I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
