i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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