Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
