One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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