I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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