I'm lost and stupid without you.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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