that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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