and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Kiss
Puke
I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Randomize
