Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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