If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
