You don't have asthma, your pregnant
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
