Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
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