The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
