I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
