I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize