I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Is Oprah even human
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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