I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
