Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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