we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
