I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
