3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
