i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
