just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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