i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
