Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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