Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
