so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
