So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
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