Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
