Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
