Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
