I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
