Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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