you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
there is another microwave in the elevator.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize