I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
