i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
