I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
