I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
We just shotgunned beers for America
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
