His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just pee around me
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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