I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
