Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
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