dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
