so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
