Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
