She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
