Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
