I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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