i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Randomize
