onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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