Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Randomize
