don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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