So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
