I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
