I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
