remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize