Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Randomize
