sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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