if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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