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I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Text me some of your sweat
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