the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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