Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
