i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
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