I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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