remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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