Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
