i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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