3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
My cat gives me a boner
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
