I am in a vortex of obligation.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
