I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
