i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
i may or may not be watching the land before time
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
