It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
