I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Non-Jews are for practice
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
