this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
